perspective

perspective is an amazing thing, isn't it? the way you look at something...the way you see it, can be completely different based on your upbringing, your current circumstances, even your attitude or personality.

take chores, for instance. most people hate them. (except my husband, who, when stressed- cleans. i know...freakish, isn't it? but, i do benefit, so i dare not complain. and besides, he is married to me, who isn't a fan of cleaning, so maybe God knew what He was doing there...ya think?) but, really...not too many people actually enjoy doing chores around the house. i know i sure didn't. as a teen, of course, like, DUH! :) but, even as a mom and housewife, i could easily find a way to avoid them. oh...what do ya know..they need help getting stuff ready for Bible study up at church..."ooh me, I'll go help!" (ryan comes home from work) oh, sorry honey, it was for Jesus. :)

but now, at this current time in my life, i would LOVE to be able to do chores around my own house. (most of you who know me are now trying to pick up your jaws off the floor) but i mean it. being that i have spent the better part of the last ten months on my couch, unable to function that well...even the thought of doing chores sounds appealing to me right now.

in fact...if you are able to do any of the following things right now, i would count yourself blessed:


walk around the grocery store without any of your appendages going numb

take a shower and spend as much time as you want without having to worry about passing out

drive a car anywhere you want, ya know, because you are a grown up and you can

answer the call for a friend in need and run over to help out

play outside with your kids

stand up long enough to cook a full meal
(ok, ok....know how to cook a full meal as well :)

lie down in bed without wondering why that sharp pain is back again

say that you haven't stayed the night in a hospital in the past month, or year, for that matter

not have to receive more mail from your insurance company than from all solicitors combined
(never thought i'd miss junk mail)

not have to give yet another excuse to your kiddos as to why we can't go here or can't do that...it is ALWAYS because "mommy doesn't feel well" or "mommy can't handle it"

go to bed without multiple ice packs strapped to various parts of your body

not have to take pill after pill after pill after pill every day

not lose touch with friends who have, i guess, decided that you are just too much drama right now (can't hardly blame them!!) although really, i was a lot of drama before, wasn't it? :) i was just well drama then, now i'm just sick drama. :)

not see the exhausted look on your spouse's face from carrying every burden that comes along with this...physical, emotional, financial, spiritual...and knowing there's NOTHING you can do to make it go away

not wake up every day and battle the worry and fear that comes with the unknown...daily giving it to God, knowing that if you don't... you will obsess over it because all you can do it lie around and be in pain anyway

for that matter...if you DO NOT know what it is like to lie around in pain day after day after day, month after month...then i would like for you to thank God tonight. truly. because it isn't fun.

but LET ME BE CLEAR...and i KNOW the enemy is listening, so i am going to say it out loud as i type....I PRAISE YOU GOD NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!

am i happy tonight? no.

am i "feeling" joyful tonight? no

would i like to be miraculously healed right now? absolutely yes.

but if i am not, i will wake up tomorrow, in pain and weakness that few can understand, and i will praise Him again. and again. and again.

but the truth is, i think, we could all use a little dose of perspective sometimes. i know i got it recently when a friend shared with me her health struggle she dealt with for TWELVE YEARS. um, hello. i felt like i should put my big girl panties on and shut my little mouth right up.

also got a dose when i had it all planned out exactly how i wanted the week before jacob's first day of kindergarten to go. and then the weekend before kindergarten. and then the first day of kindergarten. oooh, i had it all planned. mommy and daddy time. just us. special. i was kinda being selfish about it really. and a bit obsessive. i knew what i wanted to wear, jacob too. what we were going to do special after school, etc. but then once i was hospitalized, my perspective changed. all i wanted was to be able to just be there. i didn't care what i wore. i didn't care who else was there. i just couldn't miss it. i just wanted to be a part of it. any part of it. my perspective changed lying in that hospital bed....again. it always does.

so, tonight, this post was really for me. i was crying in the dark, in pain and exhausted....again.....completely bummed that i had stepped backward so far in how decent i'd been feeling....again. and so, i have found that when i talk to God and write, i feel better. here are some verses to lift us both up. whether you needed this perspective or not. i did....again.

and by the way. life is good. Jesus loves me. He died for me. my children are safe and healthy, i couldn't be more THANKFUL for that!! my man loves me and has stood by my side like a saint. (plus, he is hot, which is just a bonus!) he just came in and prayed for me. he is the best. my benjamin just came in and sat next to me and said "mom, hey - we're friends!" i love it! i have amazing family and amazing friends who have gone ABOVE and BEYOND to help us out and serve us humbly throughout this all.

i am not dying of cancer. i praise you God.

i am not as bad as i was months ago. i praise you God.

i have had good days. i praise you God.

i will have good days again! i praise you God!!!

1 cor. 12:9-10 "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Psalm 105:1 "Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done."

1 peter 4:16 "However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name." (by the way...oh, have i not even remotely suffered as a Christian...but this is a great verse!!)