graduation

my sweet jacob graduated from kindergarten this past friday. sigh. i can't get over how big he is. i know it sounds completely cliche, but it truly does just feel like yesterday that i was giving birth to the sweet baby and hearing the charming doctor say, and i quote, "good Lord this kid has a big head!" thanks doc. i hadn't even pushed him out at that point, so that was such a great thing to hear. seriously though, where in the world did the past five and 2/3 (yes, jacob is keeping track) years go? how did he get so big? and so smart? and his legs so long? and his feet so huge? i used to be able to sit and watch tv with his entire little body tucked up asleep on me from my chin to my belly button. ryan and i used to take turns at who would get to sit with him like that, and he would just lie there on his belly, all tucked up and sleep for hours. that was just the other day, wasn't it? and now, i've blinked and he's standing on a stage with a bright red cap and gown (yes, i know...caps and gowns for kindergarten graduation, are you kidding me? over the top? maybe. but over the top in the most precious and adorable way!), all big and proud and fine, blowing his kazoo and singing something about how kindergarten was fun and now his time is done....zoom, blink, there went 5 and 2/3 years. of course, i know he is actually doing kindergarten again at "the big school" next year because of his august 31st birthday, we decided this was by far the best choice for him. but still, this whole graduation thing still hit me. hard. my sweet baby boy, my firstborn...so big and grown up. becoming so independent. i can't help but think sometimes when i go and wake him up in the mornings, i sing my little wake-up song "this is the day that the Lord has made, i will rejoice and be glad in it" and he and benjamin groan and groggily toss and turn...and i scoop them both up, and i honestly think sometimes...how much longer do i have? how long is he going to let me cuddle (or "cuggle" as benjamin says...so cute!) him like this? oh man i dread the day he doesn't want to cuddle with me. i know it will come. and it should. i don't want a "mama's boy". i want to raise strong, independent young men. but boy oh boy am i soaking up these little boys while i can. cause if these 5 and 2/3 years have gone by this quickly, i am sure the next 5 and 2/3 will go even faster...and oh my goodness gracious, then jacob will be 11 and benjamin will be 9 and God help us all, miss abigail will be 7....sigh. i am so thankful for this time. this little bitty time when they are small and i can pick them up. when they still need me for stuff. does it absolutely wear me out sometimes? no, it absolutely wears me out ALL the time. but God i thank you for it. because i will never get it back. they will never be small again, and so i thank you for times like this that i stop and look at them longer and stare at them..these blessings you have given me. i am beyond blessed. thank you God. thank you.